Showering 101

When did showering become a planned event that includes so many steps? I used to walk into the bathroom dirty, shower and do all those things that go along with showering, and walk back out of the bathroom clean. Now this is what showering looks like for me.

1. Do the pre-shower walk through of the house. Shut all doors, pick up all things I don't want anyone to touch, and push back everything that is sitting on a surface at least 3 feet.
2. Put on a cartoon and usher everyone 6 and under into the family room.
3. Go turn on the water and put everything into place for the possible (and oh so frequent) middle of the shower exit.
4. Walk into the family room and announce "I'm taking a shower. Don't touch, be mean to, or even look at each other while I'm in there."
5. Race back to the bathroom, strip down, and jump into the shower with the clock ticking.
6. Listen to Grace walk into the bathroom and stand at the shower door. I don't have to look. I know she's there.
7. Get my hair washed, soaped up, and something shaved before I have to open the shower door and tell Grace and Maddie to stop pushing each other for the prime spot of standing by the shower door. Everyone wants to be the first one to see mom when she comes out. I guess I should feel like a celebrity. Maybe I'll get them tiny paparazzi cameras so they can get their million dollar shot.
8. Rinse off while I listen to Kendall tell me something "really important" about her hamster or the cartoon she's watching or how a cloud outside moved. This is the point when I tell her that "No, that was not important enough to come bother mommy while I'm in the shower."
9. Open the door to my fan club that immediately tries to grab my wet legs for hugs even though I've only been in the shower for 6 minutes and 22 seconds.
10. Pass around various beauty products for little hands to hold like we're at a Mary Kay convention. I use this time to slather on deodorant, lotion, etc. without having to share anything or answer half a dozen questions about my hair, body, or beauty routine.
11. Usher everyone out of the bathroom and shut the door so I can have FIVE minutes to dress and finish getting ready.
12. Make a mental note to barge in on them constantly as teen-agers for payback.